Wednesday, March 24

Another anti-child day

After leaving a few messages on my mother's answering machine apologizing for something I did not do, she finally picked up the phone. Unfortunately, she did not want to hear from me-told me to stop calling her and to leave her alone. She does not want me or my father to call or visit anymore (for the time being) and that I pain her too much. A few more hurtful things and then the distinctive click.

Today was Golden Boy's night for movies and getting groceries. Many multiple phone calls telling him to not come to come, not come and come again. At one point she asked him what he was doing and he mentioned studying. She became irate and told him not to bother since he is so busy with his class. In fact she said he cared more for statistics than for her. Is that possible for anyone to like statistics...???

My mother-in-law is in town and I am exhilarated. It is wonderful to have help around, if only my mother would let me take advantage of a good thing. The one time I have someone around to watch the children is the time she chooses to stay upset. I believe that the reason she is upset is because my mother-in-law is in town. This way she does not have to see my mother-in-law and feel insuperior to her. She does this every time my mother-in-law comes into town. Hopefully she will let it go and I can start helping out.

Just realized in case any of you ever talk with my mother, this blog is not to be mentioned ever. She will never understand and will become highly suspicious and resentful. I do not think she would understand. My whole life we were taught to hide our problems and put on the "perfect family" show. This would definetly disqualify me from that family.

*UPDATE* at 11:34 pm this evening my mother called to say sorry and that she loves me. She feels completely out of it-I think it is because her short term memory is starting to dissipate faster than she can remember and it is confusing her. She repeats a lot now and forgets things she tells us. My poor mother, how it must feel to live trapped with the knowledge that your body is slowly forgetting how to live.


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