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Wednesday, June 2

Busy week

Almost an entire week went by since my last post. Wow how quickly time went this past week. For my dad, time stood still. For me, it went too quickly. What a crazy week it was. After Thursday morning, I went home and gathered my thoughts quick enough for a quick observation at a school and then to the kids. My brother was on duty today, but despite that, Mom wanted me to go up in the afternoon because she wanted to see the kids. After we left, my brother headed up there to spend the rest of the day and night. From my understanding, he had a rather difficult time for the first three hours and then she mellowed out like nothing ever happened. My turn again on Friday and oh boy what a day. Let me start by saying my brother and I almost called 911 twice. I received a phone call from my mother saying she was having trouble breathing and needed her nebulizer. She has not done her nebulizer in over five months. I believe she had an anxiety attack. I grab the two children and head over to her house. It was complete chaos. She is sitting by her oxygen machine and moaning eh eh eh eh eh eh ehe eh. It takes me five minutes to talk her into following me over to her nebulizer. Watching her on that machine was so sad. She could not figure out how to put it into her mouth or to hold it. I held it for her and she kept screaming that it was not working. Meanwhile, my daughter is messing with my son because he grabbed her toy. He is screaming, she is screaming, mom is screaming. I calm two of the three down and go back to the hysterical mother. Next I see my son reach into my mom's medicine drawer and pull out her bottle of xanax that has no lid. I grab it out of his hand and make a mental wish list that there was a lock on that drawer-it scares me more than anything else in that house (well the pool as well).After the nebulizer treatment, I get her over to the oxygen and run it for ten minutes. All of a sudden she is completely fine. The weird part of this that when I got there, her entire side of her right body looked funny. Her mouth was crooked, her eye droopy, her arm sluggish. I am not sure if it was just an anxiety attack or if it was a TIA (stroke of some kind??)
She now is completely relaxed and happy. Key point for later: As we are leaving, thunder rolls in and freaks out Kenzie. She wants me to hold her and gets upset with Gigi. She tells Gigi that she does not want her she wants me. I can see Gigi processing this and I say not good. But really after watching her freaking out, Kenzie must be slightly confused. I rush my kids back home get ready and head back up there after a quick kiss to hubby. As I arrive I can tell this is not going to be good. She is quite frantic and agitated. I made her a plate and had her sit down to eat. She is half naked because she is getting ready for her bath. During dinner, she is very upset and she is bashing Kenzie. As a mother, this is very hard to take but realizing this is coming from my mom, I grin and bear the barrage of insults being bestowed upon my daughter. She keeps commenting on how evil, mean, and rotten Kenzie is. She now hates Kenzie and says that if Kenzie ever comes over, she will run into her room and not say
We get through dinner and she starts attacking me verbally telling me I am awful and am trying to take her life away. I am jealous of her and want to do all the things she does. She is getting more and more out of control and I am getting more and more upset. I start defending myself-wrong move- and end up getting kicked out. She is screaming for me to leave so after it escalates to the point of danger, I go. I drive around for quite a while. Many phone calls later from mom, kevin, and dad and I arrive back at the house. I knock and the dog does not bark. I walk around back and she is there in the seat. She is talking very chopping and without full words but is confused to why I am there. She is screaming get away from me devil, devil child, devil you evil devil. More like hissing at me. I tell her to come in and she says she is not going to go in. I walk inside and check on her in five minutes. She is mellow and relaxed and again I ask her to come in. She refuses and says it is peaceful and she will go in later. I continue to check on her off and on for the next half hour. She falls asleep and is completely out. I try to wake her and decide to carry her in but she wake sup and screams as though I was breakng her. I lower her down and she is back asleep. I go inside the room and sit down to wait for her to get up. About ten minutes later I hear a soft meowing sound and go out side to see her. She is saying eeeeeeeeee softly until I come near her and then in a high pitch eerie screetch, she does that eeeeeeeeeee. She opens her eyes as wide as she can like she is in complete terror, completely afraid of me. She then screams even louder and starts the hissing again. Devil child devil child get away from me. Leave me the **** along. HELLPPPPPP HELPPPPP HELLLLPP> EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. This continues outside for about five minutes and I am able to convince her to get inside somehow, I really don't remember how. For the next two hours, I am in my worst nightmare. For half an hour she is literally an inch from my face, pointing her finger, screaming, cussing, and yes physical (first time ever) She actually pushed me at one point, grabbed my nose and twisted it, and even slapped me. I have never been in a fight before, never had anyone in my face, and never had the feelings of fight or flight kick in like that. To have someone an inch away completely naked, threatening you and saying the stuff she said was such a horrific experience,one that I hope I will not have to repeat anytime soon. The reason she was so upset is because she was cold. She believed that I left her outside and is cold because of it. She did not remember me coming earlier, she did not remember me sitting outside with her, she did not remember me trying to get her to come in. She told me I should be in control and tell her what to do. That I should make her listen. She screamed such profanities and such evil remarks. After she stepped back, she went to call Kevin and my dad. At one point she could not make any words. She was speaking in complete gibberish for at least ten minutes. She would scream to them and come to scream at me. This continued for another hour and a half.She told me to leave to get out and I actually stepped up and told her no. That I could not leave her in this condition. That she wants me to take care of her and I am going to do that. IF she wants me to leave she will have to call the police and have them remove me. I actually had to shout over her to make her hear me and when she realized that I was overpowering her with my voice, she listened got very upset and left the room. She then came back to tell me how I abuse my children, I slap them around, push them into walls, hurt them all the time. She continued to insult me with such meanness that I finally lost it. I broke into tears which was the best thing I could have done. After insulting me for crying, she left again and then came back. I had my brother on the phone this entire time and he was such a great support. She came in and started to cry saying she was so sorry. Inside I just wanted to yell at her and tell her to leave me alone that I was so emotionally drained that I did not want to see her. Instead, I grab her in my arms, tell her it is ok and would she like her bath and watch a movie. Probably the most difficult forgiveness ever but needed to be done else she slip back into it. So 12:30 at night and bath time starts. I end up in bed around 4 that morning but at least it was peacefully wonderful.
Saturday I head home around 8 and spend some time with my family. I actually get to sleep most of the day away since Kevin is on mom duty and Jason on kid duty. The only difficulty was that mom wanted to go to the airport to pick up my father with me and we were able to change her mind. I enjoy the relaxing hour and half drive to get my dad, letting my mind wander and relax. Dad shares his adventures and seems so much more relaxed and happy. He needed this and I am glad for him. Sunday was his day and I have no idea how it went at this point-I barely remember each day. Monday and Tuesday were amazing days for my mother. Monday we celebrated Kenzie's birthday and I am amazed at how God works. He gave Kenzie a relaxing and enjoyable party. My mother was spot on and so wonderful. It was such a great time. But now, I am tired and ready for bed so more adventures for another day. God bless!

1 comments:

Honey Family said...

Hello Kimberly,

I found your blog as I was searching for blogs on Alzheimers. Thank you for your posts, I so appreciate reading through them and seeing your heart to selflessly serve your Mother. My husband, myself and our 5 children care for my grandparents in our home. My grandmother has Alzheimers and my grandfather is wheelchair bound. As you know, each day is often different, tearful and sometimes terribly long but we are so thankful to be given this opportunity to serve those we love at the end of their lives, it is our honor. Blessings to you as you love your Mother in these difficult days. Chessa

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