Thursday, April 22

Back to Boca

I am getting away!!! Heading down to my old stomping grounds this weekend to visit with some dear friends. I cannot wait. Hopefully, I can escape unnoticed by my mother and not cause my brother or father any distress while I am away. After the day they had today, I do not want to cause any more pain. This morning my father took her to get her teeth!!! Hooray-they fit perfectly (well almost) and she was happy with the product. He took her to eat but she did not like the food. She wanted to go visiting people but unfortunately no one was home and my kids were napping. She did not want to come over while I did some work. So it caused a reaction and Dad brought her home.

Round two came when my brother showed up for his movie night. He arrived at 3 and spent a great deal of time searching for my mother's missing money. You can imagine the state of pandemonium that ensued. Mom running around screaming and moaning at the same time completely freaking out that her money was stolen and was missing. She obviously did not like her previous hiding place and had arranged a new one. During this episode, a new development occurred. She could not remember my brother's name. Now this is not a misunderstanding due to her freaking out. At first it seemed that it was. No this was complete forgetting. She screamed at him saying listen Frank no I mean you what ever the **** your name is. After calming down she asked him his name and continued to repeat his name over a few times to let it sink in. I can only imagine the pain he must have felt at his own mother not remembering his name. It is only a matter of time when it will happen to all of us and as it happens we will toughen our skin and move on. But the firsts are always the hardest. Money is found and all is well for the moment. Then the grocery shopping. Mom overhears Dad talking to Kevin on the phone about meeting him at the store to give him the money for the food. So of course she wants to go. Dad now has to come over, pick her up, bring her to the store, wait on Kevin and her to shop, bring them home again. Mission accomplished and back home at 6:00. Now for supper-they order pizza and Dad leaves to pick it up. After waiting 45 minutes, mom is now extremely agitated yet again and I am sure Kevin is too (especially since it is now hour four with mom in a very agitated state) Dad decides to sit down to eat. Mom was starting to get agitated with his presence and it was when he was ready to leave, she had become calm (since movie night requires only Kevin, she will not start it until everything is the same as it normally is-it messes with her when other situations arise) . Ah movie night finally commences and for now there is peace. My poor dear brother-at least you have a few days break coming up.

A new development in my mother's health and some of you may misunderstand what I say. I am hoping that the message is clear and does not come off in the wrong way. When I spent the night at my mother's house on Monday, she mentioned lumps in her breast. I found two slightly large lumps in her left and two tiny ones on her right. I am trying to schedule her a mammogram prior to her hearing. After she and I talked, she had decided that if her breast cancer has returned, she will not take any treatments or do anything else. I completely agreed with her and sympathized with her. I too would rather leave with dignity than to die without my brain, my abilities, my gifts, and everything else that Alzheimer's takes away. It is my deepest prayer for her that it has returned to save her from the suffering that she knows is and will be taking place. I find it quite hard to actually verbalize this and the realization of this horrible catch 22 hits me. What a reminder of who is in control of the twists and turns in our lives. I am thankful that I have such a personal relationship with my Lord for it is He that helps me through all this. While I may not understand the pointless suffering, I must realize that I see only a glimpse of this tapestry. It may not be pointless after all, but a intricate and beautiful design. There have been so many times in my life that I did not see the reason behind the problem or blessing. It was only years later that I could exclaim Aha-now it makes sense. I wonder if I will ever have the Aha with this one....


Sandy Kessler said...

uh oh the name this is progressing quite fast.Have you had any calls on paperwork??

Anonymous said...

I totally understand your thought process on the possible lumps. I am sure this really hard on everyone involved and it is great to know that there is a God that is in contrlo and has a plan and a purpose.
Jennifer Prater

Anonymous said...

wow. that's one crazy day. It is sad to see her being in this state. I hate it. Nevertheless God is going to use it for His purpose.

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