Wednesday, June 8

In just a week

Amazing how quickly my mom can drop in just a few days. It seems like this week there has been such a difference in her abilities.  Just when I think there is really nothing she can do, I realize just how much she was able to do and how little she can do now.  Amazingly enough, she is still pranking us, still reminding us of things, and still able to tell us how she is feeling.  For instance, on the First of June my little girl turned five years old.  Mom wanted to see her on her birthday so after school, I brought Kenzie and Connor over.  About thirty minutes after the cake,my mother looks at me and says "when the when we go you know the car to bllalalblblb (blow) when sing" Inside I am thinking ummm we already did the cake and we did it here.  I tell mom that we are not going to my house in the car and that we just blew out the candles.  She gets slightly upset and says it again.  After my expression gets even more quizzical, she starts laughing and says got you.  She knew we did the cake and just wanted to mess with me.  After that day, she became zombie mom with no expression, total confusion, and now is afraid of the people that come in her room that she knows are really not there.  Tonight, she told me she is afraid of the hard wood floor because of the lines and maybe that is where they come from.  She hates her big blanket because she gets trapped in it and noticed that the garbage can was turned around the other way(which freaked her out and took me about four minutes to figure out what she was bothered by).
So tonight I arrive there and mom is pretty much expressionless.  She is shuffling around looking at things and asking me what.  I lead her to her bed so that I can clean her nails and toes.  We then travel to the bathroom to do our waxing ritual.  Yes, she still lets me wax her face.  The sick thing about it is that she finds it amusing.  After I apply the strip to her face and yank it off, she exclaims AHHHH and then smiles with a slight laugh coming out.  Each time we do it she laughs.  The even sicker part is that after her turn, she reminds me that I must do it.  She waits and watches to make sure that I apply the strip to my own face and pull it off.  She gets an even bigger smile on her face.  Slightly morbid  Mom.  From that point on, she becomes expressionless and confused again.  She wants to watch As good as it gets so I put it in.  Two minutes into it she wants Devil wears prada,  Put it in wait to minutes and remove. Put in As good as it gets, watch two minutes, and remove.  Repeated this with each move 6 times for a total of 44 minutes.  Finally I tell her wait ten minutes and she gets into the movie.  She tries to tell me something but keeps forgetting. Another thing is that she no longer opens her eyes during the movie.  The entire time, her eyes were shut but she was not asleep.  She seems to have a hard time seeing things now or sees them completely different than we do. About 3/4 through the movie, she looks over at me and tells me she is going to be scared when the movie finishes and how she wishes we had one more movie.  I decide eh why not and tell her I would watch another with her. Her eyes open up big and round and she opens her mouth with the most surprised expression ever.  She just stares at me and then says oh thank you thank you than k you.  It is for those moments that I live for.  She becomes alive again.  In fact, she goes right to the bathroom and takes her pills so easily.  Dad comes home and she starts to tell him different things about the room or what we did.  Dad compliments her on looking so pretty and asks her where she is going-what hot date she has.  My mom looks at him and says "to your room" .  My jaw almost dropped to see her flirting with him.  She twinkles in her eyes and smirks a little.  She ended up falling asleep about 1/4 into the movie and I left her sleeping for the first time ever.  It is so unbelievable to hear the way she understands everything. She is so trapped in her mind and in her inability to speak and she recognizes it.  Tonight she told me she was so afraid at how quick she was going.  She did not want to die yet and miss out on Kenzie.  She felt her body slipping away and she hates it.  It takes her about 15 minutes to express this to me but in the end, I felt such anguish for her.  How hard it must be to know that you are completely useless.  She also told me that it was not fair that dad was able to walk, talk, and do whatever he wanted while she wasted away.  She wanted to be able to do things with him and with us.  She was pacified when I told her it was she that got to visit with Kevin and I. 

Well good news:  I am emptying my plate abit.  Jason and I reevaluated our situation and realized that something had to give.  Youth for Christ takes over our program for teen mothers in September so it was that program we decided to end early.  That means I will have a great deal more time on my hands.  I also am starting my mentorship to become an Infant Toddler specialist  which will be fantastic.  Well once again it is late and I have a busy week ahead of me so I need to get some sleep.  Please say prayers for our last teen mom that had her baby 5 weeks early. She is doing well and baby is in the Nic unit (also doing well).  Good night everyone!


Peaceful said...

I have just found your blog...I guess this is the next stage for my mom, she is starting to not be able to read or speak well...

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