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Wednesday, February 16

Late nights

For some reason, I find the peace of the late nights refreshing.  It would be my dream to go to bed early and arise by 4 so I could relish in this tranquility.  But due to reasons beyond my ability to change, I am confined to enjoy these hours by chance.  Tonight is one of those nights. After being at my mothers and trying to go to sleep when I got home, I was awaken by two little ones both running a fever.  My son's fever has come back to an astonishing 101.0 and my daughter is maintaining at 101.8.  I think another visit to the doctor's may be in order.  This is the third day on Tamaflu and antibiotics.  I would think it would have gone away by now. 

Wow-things with my mother are definitely getting strange.  She is much more aware of how little she can do and it plagues her every moment of the day unless distracted by something else.  Last night my mother woke my father up because she had to use the bathroom. Turns out she already did-there was  big pile of excrement by the toilet.  What fun at 2 in the morning.  Today she continued to try to use the bathroom by standing over the toilet and not understanding the concept of sitting down.  When I arrived there tonight, mom was completely naked just siting in the living room chair.  She complained of pain in her bottom and when I looked, I noticed a diaper rash.  How strange to see diaper rash in my 56 year old mother.  I was afraid when we started the depends that this would happen.  I mentioned to both my father and brother to have her wear her dainties during the day and use the depends for night time use.  Dad picked up some a & d ointment and that seemed to have soothed her for a bit.
  It was amazing watching her try to go to the restroom.  As I watch her, she makes this one face that reminds me our Dirty Rotten Scoundrels when Rupretch uses the restroom at dinner.  She kept talking about this not being right and that they needed to see the little things to go to the bathroom.  she talks about the little bits and points to three places on the wall in front of the toilet.  Once she sits, she lifts her feet off the ground because they will make the pee come out if she does not lift them.  She believes that pee comes out of her feet when they get wet.  She also has to hitch up the pants so that her ankles are exposed.  If I come to close to her she cannot pee, if I leave the room she cannot pee, if I talk or move she cannot pee.  I have to sit there and listen to her pray to pee.  Then her saying it is coming it is coming hear it...She will then stand and pull her pants up while I frantically remind her I have to wipe her.  All is finally done.  We return to her bed and she wants to drink but is afraid to drink because it will mess it up.  She believes that if she drinks she will have to pee before the right time and then it will keep her from sleeping.  I convince her to take a sip of water and she has a hard time finding the hole for her mouth. She struggles with lifting the bottle and I help her.  She gulps a little sip and a bit of water drips down. We try to pick out a movie and she cannot make up her mind.  It takes twenty minutes to decide on Serendipity.  The entire time she does not talk, she looks miserable and there is no more joking, teasing, loving.  All has gone away and I realize it has been a few weeks since I have seen any joy in my mother.  She is completely lost to me now and I must remind myself of all those wonderful nights where there was joy and silliness.  After finishing the movie, we take her night pills and she cannot put a pill in her mouth. S he actually puts her fingers to her mouth with nothing in it.  I put the pill in and pour the gatorade into her mouth.  She is able to swallow the pills this time.  I get her dressed into her clothes and help her get settled into bed.  She decides to have me take the dollhouse home tonight and helps me get it to the car.  She feels so proud that she actually accomplished something and tells me so.  I get her back into bed and say goodnight. Now I must go my children are summoning me....

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