Wednesday, December 22


I feel truly blessed-we met all the needs for the families that asked for help.  What a great feeling.  So many in the community offered their support or services and we received so many toys, baby items, food, etc.  How I wish I had an endless supply of resources or money.  To give to people knowing that Works in Faith  had the financial resources was fantastic.  Being good stewards for God is such a fantastic way to spend the Christmas holiday-what a wonderful reminder of this season.

Today I had movie night with my mother and it was not a great event.  Mom was so different today-could not work the light switches, did not understand hot/cold, could not figure out anything.  When I washed her hair, she wanted to help and so she started scrubbing the water and my leg.  She could not even wipe her eyes with the face cloth.  She was so discouraged with how little she can do and hates the burden she has placed on us.  I try to remind her that this is  a gift for us to give back to her as she gave for us her whole life. 
Truly, the biggest burden falls on my brother.  I do not feel bad for me, I have a great husband as a support, two delightful children and the ability to go out and find a job.  I do feel bad for my father because he has lost the woman he married.  But he had the family, the love of another, the ability to go where he wanted to work.  He shared his life with us and had her to do it with.  I know so many that are in their 60's and taking care of their loved one because of cancer,back injuries, mental issues, heart problems.  But it is my brother that I feel the worst for.  Here he is 36, single with no one to share his day with, no one to offer support, a hug, a loving kiss, or even an escape from the monotony of each day.  He works each day with a mother that runs around naked, he has to wipe her bottom, he has to change her when she pees her pants, and manage her as she freaks out.  He does this without ever complaining-rarely do I hear about the chaos that he dealt with during the day-I usually hear about it from my mother.  So now he has graduated and is able to go and get a real job-one that will actually pay his bills, allow for saving, and possibly buy something that he may want.  In the last few years that he has gone to school, he has had to live on barely nothing, buying nothing except for the occasional computer piece or game, living on the grace of others.  And now, he is still there.  He works for less then $10 an hour to care for his mother and has barely enough money to buy much needed shoes or clothing.  Yes he has been blessed with a new car and a house to live in.  If we hired someone to take care of my mother it would cost us around 1000 or more a month.  He does it for 800.  I plead with him to go and find work, to leave sebring and let Dad and I take care of mom.  I want him to find a girlfriend and have a future life.  By working with my mother, he is sacrificing his chances of love and a family.  He is sacrificing the ability to make some decent money.  I try to tell him that Dad is in the position to take care of mom more.  He can be the primary caregiver and use us as a reprieve a few times at night or on the weekends.  After all, I know my father would jump at the chance to be a devoted husband and care full time for his wife.  He did this so that my brother could earn some money while in school.  But now, things are different, and while it would be difficult for us at first, Mom would eventually adjust.  It is just not fair to continue to have no life, no money, no anything just for my mother.  It breaks my heart in two.  Did you know that my grandmother gave him graduation money.  Guess how he spent it...Taking my mother out for food and buying her dog treats at the store.  Now for Christmas, the only gift he wants is a Wii, something to play with with my daughter or to help him escape the burden of caring for my mother.  It is my quest to find one that I can afford or trade off services to help him get.  Another blog that is not about my mother but if you knew the pain I feel towards my brother and how I wish I could help him, you would understand.  While it is my father's wife, he had a life once.  He can escape and has the resources to go out and eat or buy a new gadget.  He can escape into work or visiting his mother or brother.  He has the support of wonderful people at Alzheimer's Spouse.  My brother is stuck. He cannot escape-his job is my mother.  He cannot escape, he has no one outside of me and my dad to talk with.  He cannot escape, he has no resources so if he had a date, he could not even take her out properly...Kevin I hate this mostly for you because you are losing  a life that you should have had.  I feel honored to have you as my brother and am continuously amazed at what you do!!!!


Sheri said...

What a beautiful tribute to your brother!

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