Monday, October 18

Request for more

It is amazing how many times in the past week I have been asked to blog more.  What a compliment to know that some of you out there actually look forward to my blog-honestly I did not think I was that interesting.  I was surprised that my brother checks daily, but even more surprised to hear that others are as well.  I look at my life and laugh at the craziness often wondering if other people's lives are like this. How many of you are laughing with me as you read my words-is it really entertaining and encouraging?  How many of you have a life that leaves you breathless, and keeps  your mind turning like the gears of a clock.  There are nights when I try to slow those gears down just so  I can actually process what is going on in my life.  Then I realize that if I do try, I might get jammed and completely stop.  What are the gears in my life that keep me spinning (thanks Dad for fixing that grandmother clock-I am now comparing my life and thought processes to all those parts). 

Well today I promised my mother that I would go up there to do movie night with her and my daughter.  Mackenzie was extremely tired and not in the best mode for movie night.  My mom was up until at least 5:50 this morning (we know this because my dad woke up at 7 and the movie she put in was still playing).  She was in a nasty mood and very very tired. She made little sense and had difficulty understanding what I was telling her.  A new thing she is doing is misusing items.  I am reminded of the little mermaid when she used the fork as a comb.  At lunch she tried to eat with her glasses rather than the fork. 
Movie night did not go over well because Mackenzie was not interested in watching the movie and mom kept falling asleep.  My mother got rather upset with me because Kenzie wanted ice tea like hers.  I poured some in a cup and Kenzie got upset because it was not as full as Gigi's. I told her that she could not have as much since she was smaller.  My mother got upset with me since I would not give more to Kenzie.  I tried to explain to both of them that it was not good for her to have more especially this late in the day and given our issues with all the testing and stomach problems. Kenzie understood but my mother got so angry with me.  I could not get her to see what I was saying.  To her, I was being mean to Kenzie and to her.  Tomorrow we start the Risperdone-Kevin will give her a dose at 12 and although I hate the thought of her being on it again, I know that it is time.  It is hard because the other day the light was there and we had so much fun.  The night I dyed her hair was the first time in a long time that she was enjoyable and had some life in her eyes.  I know once we do the Risperdone, that little bit of light will go away and she will be a zombie.  However, if it is easier for Kevin and my dad, then it is essential for us to do it.  We shall see how long she stays on it or if she tries to get off it.  The best part is we now have it in liquid form so we can continue it if we need to. So that is the most difficult gear in my life that is constantly being reworked and tweaked to keep running. 

Then we have the children-both now with positive stool samples for fat meaning they are not absorbing fat.  Connor is also slightly anemic and other malabsorption issues.  Tomorrow we go for his endoscopy and biopsy.  I cannot help but wonder what they will want to do for Kenzie once the Doctor sees the results of her stool sample.  I hope we do not have to do an endoscopy on her as well. The possibility of having to change our diet so drastically is slightly daunting but seeing my children actually thrive will be so fantastic.  Getting rid of the label failure to thrive one day will make me jump up and down like a giddy cheerleader.  So there is Gear two and three.

It seems that when my children are requiring such attention, everyone else does to.  My "adopted" girl has been quite a bit of work lately.  Daily visits to the school to discuss her failing grades, set up a plan to get the work completed, monitor her to complete the work, bring up aspirin because of a tooth ache, and visiting with her family to keep a relationship growing for trust (so I can be a part of Gloria's life) is becoming a very difficult task.  I cannot give up on her now. 
 Then my other "lost" children.  It is becoming part of our every day life that one or more come to our house to visit, eat, unwind, get advise, cry to, talk to, request a ride to somewhere, or some other task.  As one puts it "your house is a home, we feel so welcomed and have a place to relax and have a mother".  Really....sometimes I do not want to be welcoming, I want to yell and say go away I need peace.  But I look at their face searching for answers and for stability and realize I do not have that luxury so with open arms and a forced smile I say come on it.  Gears number 4-12

Then there is my grandmother and our newly "adopted grandmother" and you thought it stopped with only adopting children.  I feel sometimes as though I should do more for my grandmother  but realize that she does have others to help her out.  Our newly adopted one has no one.  As our relationship grows, so does the time requirements.  She now calls daily, sometimes two or three times a day.  I take her to the doctors, get her records, give her advice, lend an ear, and other misc. things.  Gears 13 and 14.
Gear 15 is my schooling which in a few months will be removed from my clock. Gear 16 is our non-profit which you can read about in our wif blog.  The last gears are the gears for My life-my husband and my Lord both of whom I gather support and give me the strength to face each day.  I am blessed with a husband that loves the Lord and loves his family.  While we may argue or bicker, I know that I have a partner that will stick by me through thick and thin.  I know he will support my decisions and help carry the burden.  He is my source of inspiration and each day I am amazed at what I learn from him.  I am also blessed with the love of my Lord and Savior.  I do not understand how people can go through life without having God in their life.  The peace that He provides carries me through the difficult parts of life and refreshes me on the worst days.  I am grateful for the grace and love He gives me.  

By the way, you may wonder why I constantly change the theme of the blog.  Until I find the one that feels right, I will try a million of them.  Feel free to offer suggestions as I am on a quest to find the right one :). It is just like in my house.  I arrange and rearrange the furniture (much to my husband's dislike)  until I find the perfect fit. 


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