Sunday, November 20

I miss her

It has been awhile since I wrote and there has been so many amazing events and disatrous events. I happened to look upon this blog as I was planning my Christmas cards. I could not remember who I used last year so I referenced this. Bad bad idea. It seems that as long as I keep busy and distracted, I am able to go without crying. I am able to find the joys and blessings that surround me. But oh look out when I happen to look at a video or picture of my mother. Man I miss her so much, I see her face in my thoughts and in my everyday actions. I hate that she is gone and that one day there may be another woman in my father's life-someone that I will have to put up with knowing that he may need the companion but hating her for being where my mother should be. I want my father to be happy but it crushes me to think of her being replaced. I know that mom could be difficult or onry but I would give anything for just one day of her crazy bipolard drama. I sometimes feel like she was a dream or that she did not even exist. There are times when I try to smell her scent or hear her voice and it is like I am grasping at straws. THe memory is there but it is so abstract and so far that I cannot reach it. As Thanksgiving approaches, I find myself ok with the holiday ironically. Maybe because with MOm the holidays were also so stressful and filled with so much anger. It is the everyday events that I am reminded most of my mom, the desire to share Mackenzie's accomplishments with or Connors crazy injuries. It is watching Dad redo his entire house and feel as though it is so unfair that she wasn't around to watch it happen. My insides scream just to talk to her and hold her. I have crumbled tonight, tears pour out of my soul and my heart throbs with sadness. That horrible knot in your throat that makes it so difficult to breath smothers my sobs. Why is death so hard, so difficult to accept and move passed. Why does she seem so far away her mere memory is becoming so distant that I struggle to remember the memories.


new balance store said...

If you like what you see you may be able to track down a pair over at SneakerPolitics with a nifty pricetag of $160.For those of you who are interested in the mita sneakers x SBTG x New Balance 580 release we've finally got a date for you. The good news is that the New Balance new balance shoes 580 colorway will be available at select UK retailers on January 18th but the bad news is that we don't New Balance 580 For Women have any details regarding a US release. This isn't horrible news however as surely those of you who want them will use your connects to get your hands on them. Let us know if this is a New Balance release that you will be tracking down.mita sneakers x SBTG x New Balance 580January 18, 2014New Balance takes a second to remind us of the glory that the US has to offer with New Balance 574 Black Cotton-Padded the National Parks Pack.

Related Articles

new balance 859

new balance shoes

Post a Comment