Did you think I left..My posts are fewer and fewer lately, but that is because I am busy planning our first fundraiser. I am actually planning a benefit and ironically, 100% of everything goes to someone else. Not a great fundraiser for Works in Faith, but what a fantastic way to help someone else out. I will share his story the next blog; tonight the blog is mine to ramble away.

We made it through Thanksgiving without any drama. I must admit that it was quite pleasant to have such a relaxing holiday. We got to spend it with more of our family and I like that we are getting to know each other so well. Over the past few years, I have spent more time with my aunt and uncle. Conversation flows freely-often we talk so long that I am inevitably late for something. They are two amazing people that do so much for their family. I am touched each time I hear of what they are undertaking. They will give, drive, help, support, and love their family no matter what. I am grateful to have them in my life and love them dearly.

Thanksgiving day was extremely interesting though. What should have been a simple turkey preparation, turned into a science lesson gone wrong. It left me worried about my daughter in a intrigued sort of way. So picture this: Me hands deep into raw turkey removing the inside baggy filled with the liver, heart, and gizzard. Mackenzie is quite mesmerized by the entire turkey and wants to know where everything went and what every part is. The scary part is when she decided that she wanted to keep the turkey heart. What do I do-make matters worse by explaining to her that the heart cannot be kept-it will ruin unless you were to have a jar filled with chemicals. The next words out of her mouth were priceless. Well, that is what I want for Christmas then-body parts in jars of chemical-eyes, hearts, brains, bones...Hmmmmm I can see it now:::::Mackenzie hosts a Christmas party in which all the lovely little girls come dressed in their holiday outfits. They enter and go straight for the toys in Mackenzie's room. Suddenly a shriek can be heard and all the little girls come running out saying "AHHHHH Mackenzie has a room full of body parts. She has these eyes, hearts, and brains up on her self...What did I create...So now she is telling everyone that she wants coroner type stuff with sciency stuff for Christmas. She wants real bones, a brain model, heart model, and a microscope since she cannot have the body parts in a jar.

That made our thanksgiving fun to say the least. Dad even enjoyed it and found it surprisingly easy. IT is not the holidays that are hard for us ironically. It is the every day activities that bring the tears to our ears. Today at rib fest, a simple song made us all tear up. For dad, spending time with us is a reminder of mom gone and what she lost. I know that I am not dealing with it because I constantly push it way. I try not to remember her or think of her so that I do not have to feel the sadness that comes with it. I do not want my children to see me so sad about it so I push it away. I know one day it will catch up on me but until then, it works. The emptiness that has been created since she left is so deep and so difficult to grasp that I cannot. It is the same horrible feeling I used to get when Jason and I were 1000 miles away and I could not see him or call him. The anguish of the heart in torment -unless you have felt that sickening feeling in your throat, the heavy aches of the heart, the hopeless helpless feeling, there is no way to express it in completely. SO to help my father, I want to give him a unique gift. I want to give him the gift of companionship. To all my friends with single mothers, or to anyone out there that is looking for friendship or someone to do something with, please email mecjsmith@gmail.com. Help me find him someone to help ease his heart of loneliness.

M